Season 6; Hour Nine (2:00PM - 3:00PM)

Air Date: 12 Feb 2007
Reviewer: J

Annnnnnd, we’re right back. We learn from the previouslies that Fayed said to Morris, “You will do what I want – it’s just a question of how much pain you are willing to take.” Fayed’s a big fan of this idiom, “it’s just a question of…” And also? He didn’t say that comment to Morris last hour…at least not onscreen. But whatever. I shouldn’t analyze the previouslies so closely.

We open the hour with Fayed riding in his chopper (we also end the previouslies with this, even though it wasn’t shown last hour, either; shut up, previouslies) and, presumably, wondering why Los Angeles still only has one mushroom cloud. He lands at some river basin where he’s got another team assembled. Wait, weren’t all his teammates killed at the apartment? This is getting like Henderson last season where he seemingly manufactured henchmen on an assembly line.

We learn this hour that Gredenko, the Russian who Graem and Phillip dealt with to obtain the nukes for decommissioning, is in on this with Fayed. Well, of course he is because this show is nothing if not current. Yes, let’s have a fuckin’ Russian pissed off at us over the damn Cold War. What the hell year is this, 1982? Though it does remove some heat from the producers of the show since this would be the second straight year some men of Middle Eastern descent were made out to be terrorists. Who gets these ideas anyway?

I rather enjoyed Jack’s re-entrance into CTU. Everyone looks at him and I wonder which of the following they’re thinking:

A) Wow, I thought Jack Bauer was dead.
B) Wow, I thought Jack Bauer was in China.
C) Wow, I thought Jack Bauer was taller.

Jack goes over to see Chloe and it’s now that we’re kind of reminded that he’s been in the field all day and is still wearing the shirt he boosted from that house… the house where Assad’s rogue henchman is still rotting. Lovely. Looks like a warm California day, too.

Anyway, I thought Chloe’s interaction was kind of cute. She thanks Jack for saving Morris’ life and also comments that she’s glad Fayed didn’t kill him that morning. We see a half-smile from Jack for the first time in a long time and he gets back to work.

Down in the morgue, Phillip Bauer is erasing contacts from Graem’s cellie. If you don’t hate Phillip already, you will by the end of this hour. He and Jack go back and forth about how Graem died and didn’t deserve it and how Phillip knows nothing about Gredenko. At this point, Phillip is still playing it like he knows Graem did some inappropriate and potentially illegal things but that he’s innocent. Jack seems to want to believe him so badly that he ignores the evidence that only one non-CTU agent was back at Graem’s house and was left alone with Graem… and that was Phillip. But whatever. It’s been made clear that Jack doesn’t want to believe his father could be in on this.

Phillip then calls a really weird head of security for his firm named “Liddy,” according to the Fox Website. Liddy sounds like a robot but appears to be well-groomed. Phillip, who was previously unaware that Gredenko was in L.A. but now knows thanks to Jack, tells Liddy to find Gredenko and have him capped. Otherwise, his business might be hurt. Really? You know, my dad was the CFO and Treasurer of his company for almost twenty years so I think I’ll ask him how many former Russian generals he had to have whacked to keep the company financially secure.

In the conference room, Buchanan actually has the stones to make Jack sit down and then to chide him about how he “exceeded protocols” when questioning Graem. Uh, yeah, but he’s not an employee of CTU, is he Bill? Jack angrily points out that he told them he couldn’t do this job and didn’t want it and wanted to walk away. And for a minute I was like, good for you, Jack. Of course, then I remembered Bill was ready to let him walk away and it was Jack who called back in and said he wasn’t quitting after seeing a nuke go off. So I guess you’re both accountable, gentlemen. Bill then offers to cover up Jack’s overstepping of bounds. My, Bill, a few years away from Division has made your asshole loosen up a bit, eh? Next thing you know, Bill will abandon his ties and be wearing Hawaiian shirts to the office. Jack, of course, demurs and says he’ll take whatever punishment he deserves. It can’t be worse than a Chinese torture camp, right?

Back at Wayne’s pad, he and Assad are virtually alone in the bunker. Yeah, right. I don’t care if there is security right by the door – no way a known terrorist is that close to the President without a Hannibal Lecter-style getup on. I mean, seriously, can you imagine Momar Kaddafi or Osama Bin Laden sitting in an easy chair across from Bush?

VP Noah Daniels calls in to harangue the President some more in his deep, affected Powers Bootheian tones. Wayne stands firm on his decision and the VP couldn’t be more suspicious. Also, getting mighty comfortable on what appears to be Air Force One, aren’t you Noah?

Assad then warns Wayne to watch his back as his allies might come after him now. Assad compares them by saying they’re both the holders of unpopular opinions. Wait, Assad, you mean now that you’re professing peace-loving? Or earlier in your career, when you were profession American-exterminating? Actually, I guess both those stances would be unpopular but just to vastly different audiences. Oh, and does anyone else want to put money on Reed and his crew of conspirators framing Assad for whatever happens to Wayne? Didn’t think so. I don’t even think Vegas will put a money line up on this one.

At CTU, Jack is asking the sexy Marilyn whether she remembers anything about a Russky named Gredenko. She says no but that one time she followed her no-good husband to a house where there was Russian being spoken. Jack’s Spidey-sense begins pinging and he wants her to take him to the house. Wow, talk about your shots in the dark. I’m sure there’s no way this one will work out. Nevertheless, Bill orders a field team go with them along with…Milo. Wait, what? Milo? What the hell for?

Marilyn wants Grandpa Bauer to watch Josh (Marilyn’s son) and Phillip recommends taking him home. Marilyn relents. At this point, I’m thinking to myself, “There’s no way Phillip would do anything to his grandson…” Of course, I thought he wouldn’t hurt his real son, either. Phillip calls ole Liddy again and tells him roughly where Jack and Marilyn are heading and wants Marilyn captured for help in finding Gredenko.

On the way to the house Marilyn followed Graem to in the dark months ago (I can barely find my own house in the dark), they throw a tiny bit of light on their past. Not that they did the nasty but you know they did. She asks if she was a reason that Jack left and joined the military years ago. He says no. I guess Jack and Teri weren’t high school sweethearts, huh?

Meanwhile, Phillip calls Marilyn and smoothly tells her to take Jack to a different house or her son will be hurt. I have to say, Rena Sofer does the scared shitless eye reactions quite well. Phillip coldly points out that he already lost a son today and doesn’t want to also lose a grandson. Wow, what an unimaginable prick. He obviously has to die so I’m putting my money on Marilyn even though I’m sure we’re expected to think it’ll be Jack.

Back at the CTU Death Clinic, Morris is moping that he’s the reason those other nukes will be operational. Chloe has tried the kindness route with him and that’s not working so she decides to slap him. Which is just awesome. Just as awesome is his reaction: “Why did you do that?” She chides him for moping and tells him to get off his ass and back to work. I loved this scene because, yeah, I’d be sick to my stomach, too, but I’d also want to do whatever I could to stop the bastard.

Marilyn, terrified over the idea of losing her son, directs Jack to where Phillip said to direct him. The Fox Website says that Milo follows in “a follow van.” What happens if that van takes the lead? Does its name change?

CTU converges on the house and you can see Marilyn is wrestling with telling Jack the truth. The team raids the house, which is mostly empty. Except for a few boxes (of C4?) and a detonator that is in the process of detonating. Ruh-roh! Jack dives out the window as the house explodes and Marilyn screams. You know, this scene reminds me of a scene in the movie The Last Action Hero. It’s a move that kind of mocks the indestructible action movie heroes we all know and love. A kid is watching Schwarzenegger as the hero and a house explodes and Arnold exits exactly the same way, along with two cops. The kid watching says, “Both cops dead – he barely gets a scratch, though.” Anyway, this reminded me of that.

Since the explosion was not very far from where Gredenko’s real house is, you’d think they’d figure something was amiss. And how surreal must life be for the neighbors of the house Phillip had blown up? First a nuke, now the abandoned house next to them exploding. If any of these people used to live near Tony and Michelle, they’re probably really losing it.

Milo pretty quickly deduces it’s an ambush and drags Marilyn into the van and they take off. Phillip’s henchies follow and Milo does his best with the follow van but since there’s nobody to follow, it veers into a brick half-wall thing. The henchmen open fire on the van, although there’s clearly someone telling them they need Marilyn alive. So are they only firing their “Milo” bullets?

Milo does pretty well for himself, pulling the pin on a hand grenade and tossing it in the back of the van and also snagging himself a pistol. He and Marilyn use the exploding truck for cover as they hoof it down the alley.

Jack, lying in the bushes, calls to his team members but they’re all down. There goes another tactical team. Better call the academy, Bill.

The hour ends in this fashion, again without a significant splitscreen, which is kind of jarring.

As I said in the previous review, these were two awesome hours packed together that just never seemed to let the adrenaline rush down. Nearly every scene felt like it had a purpose and the time flew by. I know there’s no way the whole season can continue this way (you know Sandra’s coming back again) but damn if it isn’t on one hell of a roll now.